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A great Valentines Day for you - printing and copying your way to love |
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Simply Amusing |
by Susan Sherbert | |||
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In deciding what to write about this month I figured it had to be all about Valentine's Day, right? What else is there in February? As I glanced up at our A & S Printing & Copy calendar, I realized that not one, but two of the most influential men in American history were born in February. That's right, both Lincoln and Washington have birthdays in February. And if I remember correctly, didn't that mean we are supposed to get two, three-day weekends in February? Who came up with Presidents Day and why has February became a month of hearts, cards, chocolates, and flowers instead of a month of honoring our American heroes. True Love Why? Because love conquers all, that's why. To prove my point, how is it possible that after all these years February is still a month symbolizing true love instead of sex! Isn't everything these days about sex? How come a whole month dedicated to love and romance hasn't been commercialized with sex? Maybe it's sexless because the symbol of Valentines Day is a baby angel in diapers. Now I know he does travel with a loaded bow and arrow, and he does go around shooting people, but still Cupid is a symbol of pure innocence. Then there are those funny shaped figures people call hearts. They don't look anything like the real heart in the human body that spurts blood, in gory detail, on all the medical shows. No, the hearts sold on Valentine's Day are simple shapes even a child can draw and they symbolize the pure love that lives in the heart, not the blood that flows from it. Be Mine Then there are the cards. Boxes of them sold to innocent little school kids who know absolutely nothing about true love. They are filled with childish saying like I heart you and be mine. Be my what? Be my girlfriend. No way girls have cooties! If that is not bad enough, teachers want you to give them to everyone in the class, even the kids you can't stand. Now I suppose that is the real meaning of true love. And don't forget the flowers. They are Mother Nature's way of expressing her love to the world - when she is not on a rampage with tornados, hurricanes, or earthquakes of course. Flowers are the prefect Valentines Day gift. They are soft, delicate, and beautiful to look at. The perfect thing to give the girl of your dreams. If that is the case then why do so many people give chocolates on Valentine's Day? What a stupid gift that is. What women would prefer chocolate over flowers? Do you know how many calories there are in chocolate - a lot. Do you know how many calories there are in flowers? It doesn't matter because you don't eat flowers silly. You look at them and enjoy them. You don't have to work them off or feel guilty having them in the house. People who give chocolates for Valentines Day (mostly men is my guess) must only be thinking of themselves. Maybe she will offer me a piece or maybe I can sneak one out of the box when no one is looking. As long as I don't get a fruit one I'll be okay. It takes a female to ruin good chocolate by adding fruit. Good thing I bought her a box of nuts and chews. The only thing left is jewelry. One February 14, I decided to take a break from A & S Printing & Copy and headed to the mall. I was truly amazed at the number of men wandering around the place. I couldn't understand why so many males had suddenly taken up shopping. Upon closer inspection, I realized almost every guy I saw was carrying a tiny little bag. Oh I get it, jewelry. Then I turned and saw what I knew had to be the true "heart" of the male Valentine's Day. The line for Victoria's Secret was out the door. CORNY JOKES What kind of flowers did Daffy Duck give his Valentine? Daffy Dills (daffodils) Why did the boy give his mother alphabet soup for Valentine's Day? Because he thought she might like a little canned "D". Why did the boy give his teacher his favorite letters of the alphabet for Venalities's Day? Because they were LOVE letters Why did the husband buy his wife a canoe for Valentine's Day? Because he thought it was ROWmantic |
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